


Getting to Know You

by orphan_account



Category: Captain Underpants Series - Dav Pilkey
Genre: Egg Casserole, I really like to think Edith knows more than she lets on, This was so fun to write oh my goodness, so she's GOT to know!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-30
Updated: 2017-06-30
Packaged: 2018-11-21 13:59:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,337
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11358933
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Benjamin Krupp-THE Benjamin Krupp-Quiet, stoic, hard Benjamin Krupp-Oh, she couldn’t even think it with a straight face.---Edith's thoughts on finding out that Benjamin Krupp, infamous principle of Jerome Horwitz Elementary School, was also Captain Underpants.





	Getting to Know You

**Author's Note:**

> This was so fun oh my goodness.
> 
> It's also the product of an art trade with the wonderful Burrase-and-Ross, who did THIS fantastic picture of Alien Edith for me. https://burrase-and-ross.tumblr.com/post/162363267695/have-more-of-whatever-this-is-thank-you
> 
> Their request of me was that I write about Edith finding out and/or knowing that Krupp is Captain Underpants.
> 
> So here we are! Hope you enjoy! 
> 
> Cheers!

       Benjamin was Captain Underpants

       Edith sat by herself between the boxed dough and bags of cheese in the walk-in freezer at the back of the restaurant where he had tucked her out of harm’s way, listening to the chaos outside as her mind tried to grapple with the new axis of her reality.

       Benjamin Krupp-

       THE Benjamin Krupp-

       Quiet, stoic, hard Benjamin Krupp-

       Oh, she couldn’t even think it with a straight face.

       Grinning from ear to ear and unable to curb her curiosity, she inched closer to the window of the freezer and watched as Captain Underpants-

       No-

       Watched as Benjamin beat down the oncoming army of talking toilets.

       Watched as Benjamin beat down the oncoming army of talking toilets in absolutely nothing but his underwear.

       He was doing a marvelous job of it too, which in its own way was equally hilarious and yet not. There had to be a hundred of the things swarming him from all angles but he kept going, swinging and kicking and breaking them down one by one. There was a veracious gleefulness that seemed to overtake him, a brutish sort of joy, like how a toddler will bang two cars together and scream in delight. It was absolutely amazing to watch, really, knowing him.

       He must have felt her staring, because for the briefest of moments, he looked up and winked just before shattering a toilet with a single punch through its porcelain head.

       The cool interior of the freezer kept the blush at bay, but did nothing to curb the curling feeling in her chest.

       Goodness gracious.

       She quietly tore open a bag of mozzarella and began nibbling, single shred by single shred, as she mulled things over.

       Superman had Lois Lane, right? Edith was never really fond of superheroes before, but she did know that. The kids who had lunch detention would sometimes play out the comics when the teacher’s backs were turned. He had his secret identity as Clark Kent- wait. Was his real identity Clark Kent or Superman? He was named Clark by the people that found him, but he had his super powers then, didn’t he. So…was he always Superman? Or was Superman just who he was when he wasn’t hiding what he could do?

       She furrowed her brow, watching as Captain Under- Ben- watching as Ben kicked a toilet through a wall- or was he just Captain?

       Oh jeeze, did he even know?

       Edith snickered, remembering the look of peculiar confusion and disgust as he threw his pants across the room, but there had been something else in that split second before everything went crazy. There was- it was almost like-

       A blank.

       As though he didn’t understand where he….oh.

       Ooooooh.

       Oh dear, he had no idea, did he. 

       Wow.

       Edith ate a whole handful of cheese as that thought settled in.

       Superman-Clark- whatever, he always knew who he was, it was just a matter of keeping that knowledge to himself and away from prying eyes. Lois Lane was a perfect example of that. Perfect Lois, with her taller-than-average-but-not-too-tall and curvy-in-all-the-right-places physic, was always just two steps behind Superman in her endeavors to unmask him, never the wiser that he was just a few desks down the way.

       Well, Edith had a one up on her in that at least.

       The Captain turned to face her again, flashing her a grin and waving before picking up a toilet and rolling it like a bowling ball into its comrades.

       Flirt alert.

       She had seen this behavior before though, hadn’t she? That one time, by the copy machine just outside of his office, she remembered, oh how did he say it?

       “I cannot lie, I don’t recall having your tuna casserole,” she muttered, watching as he took a folding chair and used it to beat three toilets simultaneously, “but if your casserole is as striking as your one blue eye…”

       Yeah, that didn’t sound like Benjamin.

       It came from his mouth, but it wasn’t Benjamin.

       It was Captain Underpants.

       And-

       Oh boy.

       Okay.

       She ate another handful of cheese.

       So…Benjamin and Captain were but were also were not the same…person.

       Right.

       So long as she didn’t think too hard about it, it should be fine.

       But she was never one to not think about things, and the more she watched, the more pieces slowly began to click into place, possible answers to the gigantic question that was currently shattering porcelain with his bare hands.

 

1)      Captain Underpants was a very real, very unfiltered part of him that somehow became a thing unto itself

2)      Krupp was, very much like that shy Clark Kent, hiding the fact that he was Captain Underpants under a thick layer of denial and self-preservation.

3)      A possible mix of the two previous points.

 

       …How strong does a person have to be in order to be able to break-

       Focus!

       Focus.

       A thought sprung to the forefront of her mind as Captain Underpants lifted a table and proceeded to bat the toilets as though they were baseballs, a dangerous thought.

       ‘I have control over this.’

       She gasped, inhaling a sizable portion of cheese in the process. Through the coughing and the tears, she berated herself. No, she was not going to use this newfound information to control the man- that was absurd. She was not Lois Lane.

       In a way though, she could be. She now knew the real Benjamin Krupp, knew him on a level he may not have ever been aware of. Goodness gracious, you only had to watch a man rip his clothes from his body and go flying out of the window around a restaurant once to get the scope of that. The power was a rush, to be sure. Goodness, who could say they had gone on a date with a man who had the capacity to level cities flat in a matter of mere moments and instead chose to protect those in need. It would be morally wrong to use that against him, wrong on the kind of level she didn’t even like the idea of tampering with. Besides that’s not how you build a trusting-

       Friendship.

       Get your head out of the clouds, Edith.

       Camaraderie. 

       He doesn’t even know you’ve seen him in his underwear.

       …yet.

       There was an almighty bang, and Edith stood, pulling the hair from her face as she watched the now much smaller army of toilets go parading out of the restaurant. She waited a moment, listening to the quiet, safe hum of the refrigerator, before turning the handle and walking out.

       The place was wrecked, absolutely demolished. Tables were overturned, chairs broken, great chunks of porcelain were scattered everywhere and, on top of everything, a thick cloud of dust slowly settled. Through the broken windows, in the distance, she could hear the things give chase as Captain Underpants gave his battle cry.

       She couldn’t help but laugh.

       This was all too wild.

       Something caught her eye, and in turning, she laughed again, for over the remains of a once beautiful climbing rose trellis hung Ben’s pants. Giggling and snorting, she made her way over and pulled them down, digging through the pockets to find his wallet, with his driver’s license.

       His face and address shone up at her, reflecting the faint light, and once again she was struck with just how much power she could hold over him.

       Instead though, she smiled, committing the address to memory as she tucked the wallet in her pocket book and folded the pants. Nah, she wasn’t one of those people hell-bent on domination, and she wasn’t someone who liked lording secrets over people either. One by one, she gathered the bits of discarded clothes and, after looking right, then left, then right again, set out into the night towards the nearest bus stop.

       Who she was was a good person, and what she was going to do was get these clothes back to their owner.

       Take that, Lois. 


End file.
